Can I get some Help?

I was thinking today about how much the modern world lacks chivalry, and why that is. The fact is that men decided to stop being gentlemen when women decided that they could do anything they wanted to by themselves. I believe that women are very capable, and have much understanding even when it comes to physical work, however, there are just some things that a man should offer to do.
The problem here now, is that men don't think that women want them to do it! Men enjoy being challenged, because they are men, so why don't we Ladies challenge them to be Gentlemen? You would be amazed at how quickly they can change if we only give them the chance. This does not mean, however that we can nag and make fun of them when they are not on their best behavior. What it does mean is that if there is something heavy, we politely ask them to lift it for us. As women, we do have influence, and if we will call them up to a higher standard, they will meet us there.

Will Be Late...

I am just letting you all know that my next post on this blog will be late, I will try to get it on here this weekend, and if I do not, I will get it on Monday. Sorry for the delay...

Patience

As I was thinking about what to write today, the thought occurred to me that patience is a lost virtue in much of America today. We have a very fast life style, we always must be doing something. If a television screen does not change scenes every 3 seconds, 78% of the people watching will change the channel, the fast food industry is one of the biggest industries in the country. We are always moving.
Now, don't get me wrong, I know that people are busy, and have things to get done, it always seems that we are trying to make the day longer, but sometimes we just need to stop. I can tell you for a fact that if you stop and take a rest at least once a week (weekends?) then you will be far more capable of getting things done the rest of the week. In our society, the mentality is "get everything now" credit cards, for one, get it now, pay later. But if we would stop, if we would just slow down, then we would be able to enjoy life at a whole new level.
The thing that makes stories like Pride and Prejudice, You've Got Mail, and Beauty and the Beast so romantic is that these women needed to be won, wooed, they took time to open their hearts. They were not "playing hard to get" the were hard to get. Do you want to be romanced? Do you want a Man, who is not a little boy? Patience, diligence, hard work, those things are all required. If a 16 year old has to work hard, and save money to buy their first car, what does it produce in them? If you are willing to wait for that new sweater, how much more will you enjoy wearing it when you do have it?

What we are after here is far more than just getting through life as fast as possible and gaining as much as you can when you can, but it is the noble idea that you can enjoy life no matter where you are, that you can bring sophistication to a shabby apartment and maybe even have more fun there than you would in your fabulous flat in Park Avenue. When at work it is about being patient as you wait on people and letting them get it to you when they have it done (though you do not need to condone laziness) and smiling at them when they do. I will say it once again that it is our main goal to bring joy to other people.
What kind of person do you want to be? What kind of story do you want to have? How do you want to live life? What I am talking about here, when practiced can build a character and stability in you that nothing else can, it will enable you to do things that you never could before, to handle situations and people that would have been impossible. This is not just an idea it is a way of life, it is a foundation, it is a choice to rise above, and it is worth it.

Communication Part 2

I want to start for apologizing for my neglect of this blog, I am going to work harder at getting a new entry in every week.
I believe that we were on the subject of communication, I want to start with e-mail etiquette. This one is tricky because we can all to easily get carried away in the casualness of this form. When I write e-mails at work I always try to be pleasant and nice, but remember that this is a business. Instead of starting with "Hi" use their name, like you would in a letter, but without the "Dear" part. The body of this e-mail should contain only the business information, but if you would like to add a personal touch you can wish them a good day, or weekend, or something of the sort.
Now, personal e-mail is a completely different category. This is just basic communication between friends, however there is still a way in which it is to be done. I have a rule, never write something in an e-mail that you would not say to their face, or that you would not want other people to know. Though this type of e-mail is private, it can all too easily be viewed by a third party. Keep it polite.
One other thing on e-mail before we move on is that it is always better to use proper grammar. It seems to be a trend these days to e-mail someone using only small letters, but I will tell you that this is not the best idea. You see, if you are not in the habit of using proper grammar, there may come a time that you will not remember where that silly semi-colon goes. Also I will point out that good grammar is a mark of your education, and it can in fact affect your status in many circles.
The next thing that I would like to discuss is face to face communication. This is a very large topic, and I do not know that I will be able to get to all of it in this post. Face to face communication is not only the most common, most necessary, and most effective way of communication, it is also many times the hardest. When being lady like in company I would say that the most important thing to be aware of is your body language. Body language is 80% of what you communicate. This includes how you move, what your face is saying, the implication in your voice; it is a combination of many things. My first point is that you should always smile, not necessarily the entire conversation (especially if it is serious or tragic) but when you first greet the person with whom you are talking just smile, it is an immediate welcome and helps people to let their guard down.
You know the most important thing when talking to someone is that you make them feel important, it is sincerity, and humility. Though good posture is important (for both health and appearance) and working on your vocabulary is a good idea, it is a better idea to be kind. I remember that Jimmy Stewart once said in a movie of his "You can go through life being clever or being pleasant, well I was cleaver for a lot of years and I do recommend pleasant." I love this quote, it really embodies what I am trying to convey. Being a lady has much more to do with character than it does with appearance, education, or anything else. It is all about how you view other people, if you view them as in fact more important than yourself, then will you truly understand what this whole thing is about. That being said, there are boundaries that you have to maintain. You cannot allow people to walk over you, as much for their sake as your own. If they are allowed to control you, then they will never be able to control themselves. (Please remember that much of what I say is a generalization, and that there are some specific cases that differ) But I have gotten off of the original topic, which is to effectively communicate with other people. As you can see from above, I do not believe in reading in between the lines, I am not good at it, nor do I expect other people to understand something different than what I have told them. I believe that tactful bluntness is the best way to go. You must be nice, or they will not hear what you have to say, however if you do not tell them up front you leave it to fate that they will understand at all.
I think that I have said enough on this topic for today, I sincerely wish you all a good week, and am honored that I am able in any way to teach a little of what I know. One last point that I wish to make is that though this is not a fairy tale, the point of life really is love. Love of each other, those around you, those who you can touch, and for me, the love of Christ which keeps me going ever closer to my destiny.

Communication Part 1

One thing that is very important in any ones life is communication, this especially goes for a Lady. If being a lady means that you make the people around you more comfortable, then it is important that they are easily able to give and get information to and from you. A lady should always be well informed, and she should be open and easy about her life. Keep people informed, if you are going to be out of town, let a few people know, and then inform them when you get back.
There are many ways of communication, most common now is usually e-mail or phone calls or texting, (while I do not condone texting in normal situations, it is useful for quick communication while at work or somewhere loud) however, this was not always the case. Fifty years ago the most common way to talk to someone was to write. This is one of my personal favorites, I love writing, even if it seems old fashioned. Luckily, I have people who also prefer writing. Though in many cases it is impractical because it takes at least two days for the other party to receive the letter, it is in my mind and heart, the most sophisticated way to communicate.
A woman's writing stationary has always been a sign of her financial situation, her sophistication, her personality, and her taste, even sometimes her education. It is smaller than the paper that we now use, and often heavier. though there should not be detracting decorations all over the place, a little embellishment can be quite pretty and in good taste. A good choice is a flower in the corner, or your initials.
I feel that I must say something about phone etiquette. To most people this is becoming less and less of a consideration, but the standard is still the same. Do not call before 8, or after 9 (sometimes 10). When you are on the phone with someone do not engage in another conversation with someone else in the room, when this is necessary, say "excuse me" to the person on the phone, take care of business quickly, and then continue with the phone conversation. When having a conversation with someone in the same room it is rude to answer the phone. I understand that sometimes it is unavoidable, when this is the case the same rules apply, say "excuse me" make the call short and sweet, and then attentively go back to the prominent conversation.
Unfortunately, this is all that I have time for today, but I will return to this subject next week, and cover face to face, and e-mail etiquette. Have a lovely week!

Manners

In today's world, manners seem to be old fashioned. This is very sad, as they used to be so emphasized that they could make or break a family, a marriage, a fortune, in short a life. I have said before that the definition of a Lady is: One who makes others around them more comfortable. This is the point of manners.
Manners are not miscellaneous rules in order to make life hard and the people who use them stuck up, they are in fact to make everyone more comfortable. An example is that when setting the table you place the sharp side of the knife toward the plate, this is not to be confusing, but is meant to be a precaution against someone cutting themselves as they sit down to dinner. Another one is that a Lady does not swear. She always uses kind language, this is not to say however, that she cannot make a point, but you do not have to be insulting someone to make that point.
I have heard it said that "chivalry has died, and women killed it." To an extent this is true. Unfortunately, during the feminist movement women decided that a man offering them help was insulting, thus men in order to be polite, gave up on good manners. There is however, a counter to that sad tale, and that is to yet again become ladies, and call our men to the standard of gentlemen. This means that when a man offers to open the door for you, accept it graciously. When he offers to lift the heavy box, let him. You must understand that this has nothing whatsoever to do with weather or not you can lift the box, and everything to do with the fact that men, in fact, are stronger, and should lift the box. No one doubts that you could do it, it is just a bit of the old noble role of the man and women showing through.
There is much more on this subject that I could say, but for now I leave you with this one tip, look for ways to make other people more comfortable, and you will be viewed as a lady.

An Apology

Well, I am going to start this one by apologizing for the face that it is up on Monday and not Friday. Unfortunately I was delayed in writing it here, and I could not get on another computer. However, some good has come of this, for it has given me an excellent topic for this weeks blog, and that is "When and How to Apologize"

When: when you were wrong in a situation is a good place to start, but it is also a good idea to apologize for an accident, or for something that you did not mean to do. Sometimes we are even rite in an argument (or something of the like) and on that premise we hurt someone, or make them feel inferior. All of those things are good reasons to apologize to someone.

How: The particulars on this one depend solely on the situation, and can be different every time, but there are some basic principles that apply to every one. The first is that you apologize quickly, in fact you apologize as soon as you find out that there is a problem (unless it is in the middle of the night, then you wait until morning, after 8:00 am) I know that this can be hard, however, even if you are dreading it, the sooner you do it, the sooner it is done. This also lets the other people involved know that you care enough about them to resolve the problem quickly. Second is that when you apologize, you always do it humbly, you never apologize and talk down to them at the same time, that would defeat the purpose. Third, if you have a reason for saying or doing what you did, in most cases you simply state why it happened and leave it at that. There are some cases however, where this "reason" would be seen as an excuse and would be better left unsaid. Forth is that you are always sincere when you apologize to someone. This is important because if you are not, then it is dishonest to say that you are sorry, and they can most likely see through it. And finally, number five, you must really do what you say that you are going to do. I have mentioned before that someones word used to be considered their gold, the same holds true here, if you are apologizing to someone and you say that you will never do that again, take care that you don't. What people see you doing says more than what you can ever tell them. If you promise to buy them a new vase, then it is probably best to go and buy one within that week. This one thing I promise you will heal more relationships than any amout of flattery ever could.

Proverv: A kind word turns away wrath.

To Be Liber is Key

I was thinking today about what to write, and it took me a little bit longer that usual to decide; however, I was reading last night, and I thought that I should mention that a Lady is well read. All through history the mark of a respected family has been education. Now, what we view as education today is simply graduating with a degree and then pursuing our prospective jobs, but it is so much more than that.
The word library comes from the Latin word liber, which means "well read". It used to be that in order to get any good job, or in order to keep conversation with the leading families of a city you had to be liber. Unfortunately, to the general public today, this word means nothing, and books are just something that you may do if the television ever breaks. But the fact of the mater is that reading good books, even novels can be a huge source of education and enlightenment to modern subjects. All of the Founding Fathers, and countless others before them were educated by John Locke, and Shakespeare, the women knew what was expected of them by reading Jane Austin, and various other biographies. In fact I would recommend that if you need an example of what it was (and still is) to be a lady, read Jane Austin. The characters and situations in her books are in fact quite easily applied to life in modern America, and they are quite entertaining as well. I must warn you though, those books were written over 100 years ago, and some of the language in them is no longer used. But I will also say, that with practice, you will be able to understand even the most difficult of text. It took me four years, but I now do understand Shakespeare.

White Weddings

I am writing today instead of Friday because there was a change in plans, and I will be out of town. I wanted to talk to you today about one of the principles of Wedding etiquette.
I was reading an advice article in a wedding magazine the other day, and the bride wanted to be the only one to wear white, and unfortunately the answer that they gave her was that she could not prohibit the guests from wearing a certain color. I understand this point of view, but I must say that I wholeheartedly disagree.
When a woman gets married there is a lot that goes into it, and though many things we do only out of tradition, the white wedding dress is not one of them. The white dress is to symbolize her purity, and it is to show that she is entering into a new phase of her life. It is her right to be the only one there in white.
There are two times in a woman's life where she is the only one to wear white, the first is if she has a Coming Out Ball, at said Ball, the one who is coming out is the only one who wears white, yet again to show that she is entering a new phase. The second is her wedding. So I will say that though you do not have to be the only one in white at your wedding, it is more than perfectly acceptable to request your guests to pick another color.

Humility

I will get better at this I promise.... One of the most important marks of a lady is her humility. She is able to admit when she is learning something, and try her best to make others feel welcome to help her. One thing that you never want to do is to make someone else feel that you think you are better than they are. There is no harm in expressing confidence, and telling stories about your life, but there can be a lot of harm done if in expressing those things you put yourself off as higher than the person that you are talking to.
When I was a young girl, I always wanted to impress those around me, and so I learned everything that I could, and then when someone was having a conversation I would tell them that I knew what they were talking about and tell them more about it that I assumed they did not know. I did not that by doing that I was showing people that they had nothing to teach me, and that I knew everything better than they did. We must always be considerate when talking to people, it is ok to not know something.
As we work on being lady like and calling ourselves to a standard, it is sometimes difficult to balance confidence with humility, just remember to always make it more about them than it is about you, that is the true mark of humility. The definition of a Lady or Gentleman is someone who makes those around them more comfortable. That is what we are working towards.

Keeping Your Word

Well, here we are two weeks later, and I have not been able to do much with this site yet, but I will say that a lady always keeps her word, I will write every two weeks, and will most deffinatly try to write every week.
I was reading the other day about a lady named Corrie Ten Boon, and I noticed that to her, someones word was their gold. In today's world, promises are made to be broken, people say whatever they want to get what they want, and rarely follow through. This was not always the case. Keeping your word once was your currency. When the Pilgrims and Puritans first fled England, they did not come directly to The New World, but rather they went to Holland. In Holland it was difficult, they could not speak the language, and so they took what jobs they could. However, after they had been there for a while, the people trusted them, for they never broke their word. They were able to get loans and better jobs, and some of them were even able to live quite comfortably. To get my point across I will tell you that when they did come to America, they had 100% interest on what they owed, and they payed it all.
So, as you venture off into today's world, remember that a Lady never Lies.

Information on the Pilgrims taken from William Branums journals.

Beginning

Well, this is my first post; I decided to begin this blog in order to teach women how to become ladies. There are many things that in today's world, we have forgotten or simply don't know. There will be quotes, ideas, facts, and many other things that all ladies should know. The first being that a lady never talks about politics in public, so that will not be covered.
I am just getting started, so please bear with me for the first while, and I sincerely hope that you will find this inspiring, informative, and fun!